Why should we accept separation?

Mrs. Klobusch, why is it so important to accept the separation?

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The feeling of love can be very powerful and put us in a real grip. Those who experience a breakup with a lot of heartbreak can feel like nothing makes sense anymore. Unfortunately, we don’t learn how to control this at school or at university – only through often traumatic experience. But the truth is that acceptance alone is the way out of this crisis.

Can separation be compared to a crisis?

A breakup is actually a very big life crisis. Even if, given the current situation in the world, one can sense that one’s crisis is not great or important – it is.

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How do you accept the separation?

This is actually anything but easy. Accepting a crisis is hard work, and the longer we bury ourselves in it, the longer everything takes. Realize this: Yes, I was abandoned and yes, it hurts as hell. And I have to live with the fact that he made a decision against me and our relationship. Allow yourself to feel helpless now, that you have reached your limits emotionally. By making a conscious decision to embrace your grief, you can come out of the victim state. Consciously focus on your opportunities, not obstacles. Acceptance of your life situation is a prerequisite for broadening your perspective.

Heike Klobusch, relationship and separation coach in Hamburg.

What do you learn from a crisis like this?

Even if it seems silly: every crisis in life is an opportunity because it provides the opportunity to come to terms with oneself. One should ask questions about who is without the other, what makes one special or what unites life outside of a partnership that makes sense. Many of my clients at Caring for My Heart are finding entirely new and often surprising answers on their way through a crisis. I am now fully convinced that the crisis of life is often also a crisis of meaning. Many of my sympathetic clients say in conversations that nothing makes sense anymore. And it’s really worth searching for meaning. Perhaps the search for a magical remedy in such a crisis is in vain. Happiness is far away in the separation stage and the current life situation is too complicated to be happy again quickly. But searching for meaning in the process can actually be rewarding and healing. Filling our lives with meaning can lead us out of a life crisis.

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But how do you fill your life with meaning?

I recently had a client who, during the painful phase of a breakup, began caring for dying people. This work gave her life a whole new meaning. Helping others in a situation where you really need to help yourself can be a key to your misery. My client got a lot of gratitude from dying people. And to frustrate this question: No, she is not happy, but satisfied. I think she has come a long way!

Tips from Heike Klopsch to be happy again after a breakup:

Happiness Diary

Simple and effective tips from Positive Psychology The Happiness Diary.

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Here’s how it works: Get a nice notebook and take a few minutes each evening to reflect on your day. Now write three things that were particularly positive or beautiful and write down what they contributed to.

Things don’t have to be grand or unusual. It can also be small experiences, for example a nice walk you took or a letter sent to you by a dear friend. Ask yourself what your role is in this positive moment. Good news may come from your friend or sweetheart because you contribute so much to making a good friendship. By realizing what you have contributed to in these positive moments, you strengthen your self-efficacy.

Meditation

Perhaps you are one of those people who would like to try meditation. Meditation trains the ability to be in the present moment fully with your attention. In this case, it is easier to become aware of your needs, to reach out to your whole body, and to become aware of your emotional state.

resource work

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Abandoned people look at what they don’t have. Now it’s important to focus on what’s left of my life. I’m working with a five-pillar model. What resources do I have in the areas of “work and performance”, “money”, “social network and relationships”, “body and health”, “inner attitude (value, meaning)”?

Looking at what strengthens is energizing. This work strengthens confidence, resilience and internal independence and promotes self-determination. You often find that you have a “rich” life and that you can draw a lot of power from what you already have.

Heike Klopsch and its advisory services can be reached at www.herzkuemmerei.de.

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