The 7 Most Asked Questions to Couples Therapists

To be happy with your partner until the end of your life – who wouldn’t want that? But the reality is usually very different. Conflicts, relationship problems, and other challenges put our love to the test. But finding a partner is also often a challenge, so we sought advice and went for it Leonie Wilkin Spoken by myndpaar. Together with her father and husbands therapist Ulrich Wilkin I have developed myndpaar, the relationship app for singles and couples.

Couples therapist answers the 7 most frequently asked questions about a relationship

dynamic.de: What is the secret of a good relationship?

Leonie Wilkin (Osmanian couple): The secret to a good relationship is actually no secret. It is relatively normal. The foundation of a good relationship consists of three components: love, respect, and trust. Love means accepting your partner for who they are without wanting to change them. So unconditionally. Respect means respecting and appreciating difference. Expressing appreciation is one of the most important pillars of a successful partnership. When that works, trust is built. You feel accepted into your being. You don’t have to defend yourself, explain and fight.

When it comes to relationships, which saying is true: opposites attract or like?

Both sayings apply. However, the core values ​​of the partnership must be aligned as a basis. The more stable the foundation of the partnership, the easier it is for the emergence and existence of opposites. Acceptance, respect and respect are prerequisites. The moral grounds should also be similar. Opposites attracting one another can create a tingling sensation, spark curiosity, generate new perspectives and push boundaries. But a relationship based solely on this will not last forever.

What are the biggest challenges in a relationship?

The biggest challenges in a relationship are changing and breaking routines and habits. This also includes developing new roles. This could be, for example, the start of a new business or the birth of a child. Decisive experiences such as job loss, infidelity, illness, exhaustion, or the death of a family member or friend pose formidable challenges to a partnership. The same applies here: the more stable the foundation of the partnership, the better it will be possible to overcome crises. However, when couples quarrel over who sees the world correctly, every little difference poses a huge challenge.

Jealousy is a common argument in many relationships: how do you deal with it as a couple?

Jealousy is actually a common problem. Jealousy fits “perfectly” so that familiar feelings such as “I am not enough”, “I am not right”, “I am not enough” are constantly updated. This can go so far that one of the two motives that drive jealousy is such that it eventually becomes true in the sense of self-fulfilling prophecies. whats the result? “You see, I’ve always known that.” Jealousy is an emotion that eagerly pursues what creates suffering. 1

How can you maintain your passion even after a long-term relationship?

In a long-term relationship, it is normal for the passion to fade temporarily. In order for indolence to remain temporary, it is also important here to interrupt cherished rituals and customs from time to time and create uncertainty. It could be little things. It is important that new things appear only when there is uncertainty. Everything else is already certain. For example, a weekend in a nice hotel can do wonders.

What is the best way to deal with relationship problems?

In relationship problems, it is important to avoid complaining about your partner. To keep your ears open, it is a good idea to start with an estimate and then describe your feelings and impressions. You should only speak for yourself – without accusing, even if it is difficult.

When does the relationship no longer make sense?

A breakup makes perfect sense when your suffering becomes so great that your mental and physical health suffer greatly. Everything else depends on the observer. What some consider reasonable, others consider it too early, etc. Since people often look for partners with whom suffering and old patterns can be preserved, the painful meaning of maintaining a partnership lies precisely in this apparent contradiction.

1 Franz Greilberzer, (1791)

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