Even with love we can overdo it. These signs indicate that our love for another person is beyond a healthy level.
Love is a wonderful thing. It gives us support, makes us happy, keeps us healthy and live longer – and in many cases we live to death. But like just about everything, love can go beyond a healthy level. And when this happens, it can harm not only the one you love, but also the one you love. The following seven points can be symptoms of a love escalation, a long-term burden on the relationship and the people involved.
7 signs that you love someone a lot
1. You forgive — over and over again.
It is easy for us to love someone and to forgive them when they have hurt us and are sorry for them. But there are limits. Those who repeatedly hurt us seem unable to respond to us, consider our feelings, and/or understand us. Or just don’t want to. To forgive this person again and again means to give him (love, understanding, consideration …) more than he deserves, and at the same time require very little (love, understanding, consideration) for ourselves. So, if we let people get away with hurting us over and over again, it could be a sign that we love them a lot, but we love them and ourselves a little.
2. “Did I do something wrong?” You are thinking about trifles.
In a healthy scale, love gives us stability and security in life, freeing our thinking from certain fears and longings. However, if it exceeds this healthy level, it can disturb us and connect our mental resources excessively. For example, we fear doing or doing something that might reduce the other person’s love for us. Or we relate all of a person’s actions or statements to us and ponder the meaning of the little things that don’t really matter. When our love overwhelms our minds and throws us into repeated ruminations primarily driven by fear and anxiety, it can be too extreme.
3. Your life and emotional world revolve only around the one you love.
When we love someone, we care about his life, we care about what happens to him and how he feels. But ideally, there is still room for our lives and what we feel. Excessive love can lead us to make our happiness dependent on the happiness of the one we love. We align our lives with what is good for it and what it needs, thus forgetting to feel what we need—and who we are. For example, if you constantly worry about another person and are therefore insensitive to what is happening to you, you may have developed excessive love.
4. You push yourself to be good enough.
In a healthy relationship, fueled by healthy, balanced, and mutual love, we can be ourselves, let go, and relax. We want the other person to see us positively, so we strive to be a good person and partner. But ideally, our love inspires us – and in extreme cases, drains us. Feeling that we need to be more beautiful, smart, hardworking, organized, sensitive and more to deserve love from our loved ones again can be a sign that we like them, and to an unhealthy degree. Or we don’t respect ourselves enough.
5. You give up on your dreams and goals.
Love makes us compromise and definitely changes some of our priorities. It’s partly worth it – a deep and intimate relationship with someone is inherently more meaningful than a career jump or a city apartment. However, if we are willing to give up on our dreams and goals in life, our beliefs about self-perception, for the sake of love, may be a sign that we give that love too much space and not enough room for everything else. Healthy love usually helps us follow our dreams.
6. You neglect others.
While we love people in different ways and to different degrees, ideally, love doesn’t get in the way of opening up to others and having multiple intimate relationships. Excessive love, for example for a partner, sometimes leads to forgetting and neglecting other important people in our lives, such as friends and family, or closing our eyes to new acquaintances.
7. You define yourself by your relationship.
Relationships with the people we love are an important and large part of our lives and our personality. But they are not everything. If we do something as a parent that causes our child to have problems as an adult, it does not mean that we have failed in life and as people. Yes, we may have been wrong in this respect. But we did our best and that’s all we can do. Likewise, we are not totally a failure because our partnership ends or our friendship falls apart. But if we (we) feel one, it may be because or we are indicating that we are putting too much of ourselves into this one love and making it too big.
Sources used: inspirationtipps.com, psychologytoday.com