We all have the ability to lie to someone, and we know it. But in a partnership, that’s an absolute taboo, right? Usually yes. However, there will likely be one or another situation in which this is not only good, but also appropriate. You might be thinking to yourself, “Excuse me? When is it OK to lie to the other person?” and that is exactly what we want to tell you!
There are such forms of lies!
Of course, honesty is very important in a relationship. However, from a psychological point of view, there are some things where you can lie to your heart. But before we get to that, let’s first clear what kinds of lies there are.
#1 Straight lie
This is perhaps the simplest of lies. You are asked a question and then you consciously lie. “Have you had anything with Xy before?” – “No” Möööp, a lie.
#2 Lie of omission
This is about intentionally hiding something. You won’t be asked about it, so you won’t tell.
#3 Salami Tactic
Here lies are admitted, but lies continue to lie about circumstances. For example, dates can be covered up. Then I cheated not three times, but only once.
#4 Chronic Lying
With chronic lying, that is Lying has become a habit And even the most mundane things are kept a secret. These people have often lied a lot since childhood and reinforced it as a kind of strategy.
#5 Inaccuracies and omissions
Habit strength plays an important role here. Are you still telling your partner that you love him or her, but you don’t really feel like it anymore? This, too, is essentially a form of lying.
#6 The Everyday Lie
As the name suggests, this is the place Lied about the most common things. You lie about where you have been or what you have been through.
Do you possibly have something to make up for? How about showing your partner how much you love them?! We have some ideas for you on how to do this:
When are you allowed to lie in a relationship?
So let’s move on to a time when it was okay to lie, even in a relationship. The rule here is relatively simple: if it’s a white lie… that doesn’t eliminate basic trust! Psychologically, the whole thing looks like this: suppose that your friend has secretly planned a surprise for you. You know he put a lot of effort into it, but unfortunately you don’t really get a feel for what’s going to happen. In this case, it is quite acceptable to pretend, because first you will have a nice day with your loved one and will be grateful for their efforts. At some point, you can tell him that thing XY isn’t your thing – just not on this day.
Of course, this does not mean that lying is generally a good thing in a relationship. Of course you have to distinguish here. That is, in the formation of relationships – and the lies that destroy relationships. The first includes a few everyday and whitewashed lies. The latter includes cheating as well as manipulative and narcissistic lies. However, do not forget that even small lies can cultivate mistrust. Yes, there are times when a few lies are okay, but don’t rest on your laurels. It is always better to be honest and original. This is the only way a relationship can work in the long term.
When do you have to admit a lie?
Couples therapist Kirsten Hellwig explained in an interview that a lie should be revealed at the latest when it actually affects or even weakens the relationship. If, for example, you have a bad conscience because of your lie and act differently because of it, you should speak up. Your partner deserves to be honest and you should give them the opportunity to decide for themselves how they want to be treated.
Unsplash / Milan Popovic
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