No more hesitation: love must be celebrated!

The intelligent Englishman asks me: “Are you the party animal?” In the midst of the beautiful and disturbing evening atmosphere. In front of us is a panoramic view of the Basque coast, and behind us is the cool electric sound of a surfing rod. He probably asks me because I’ve been in Biarritz, southern France, for a few days longer and am excited about the nightlife there. In my late thirties, I was about ten years older than him, and his question likely explains my supposedly youthful search for the pulse of the night. I think about it for a moment, because to me “party animal” sounds a lot like drinking in a bucket and a Borat swimsuit. I don’t see myself there. I like it when darkness sets the record straight, hustle and bustle, an auspicious mood, and I say yes, if you will.

Since we met only that day at a surfing course, he asked a little later about my love, and if I had a boyfriend. “Yes,” I say, smiling broadly, giving some basic details and finally clarifying: “He is the love of my life.” And suddenly he looks at me as if I’ve rolled out a bucket of sangria in a Borat swimsuit and I want to know how I feel because you really want to be sure? He seems to think I’m too old to party but too young to come to a love conclusion. And I understand what it means, after all we are more familiar with such sentences in the past tense. Often taken from films and books, glorified as a review of a life about to end, Love Life always tells of a powerful and often short-lived sense of one’s emotional world.

Karin Söderquist on the Berliner Zeitung

We prefer to love on terms

In order to find this peak, of course, the final comparison is needed. So does great love only appear in the summary? In 1903, the poet Rainer Maria Rilke gave the bold advice in a letter to writer Franz Xaver’s Nightmare: “Do not look now for the answers that cannot be given to you because you cannot live them. It is a matter of living everything. Now live the questions.”

With the pretense of waiting for our end first, we just carelessly forgive ourselves the size of the moment. In general, when it comes to love, we like to keep the ball flat. “So, if you stick to yourself forever, see if you can’t find something better” is the motto of an entire generation. Our society depends on maximization, improvement, and the basic idea that the best is still ahead. So, interpreting my relationship status sounds like premature ejaculation in terms of love. It’s also dangerous to make love so important and to state unreservedly that just thinking about this person makes you glow, even after so many years together. Because, who knows, maybe the other person will turn out to be a mean heartbreaker, and then we don’t want to naively squander the verbal cup of the greatest love. The future is uncertain. We prefer to love on terms.

This is what it’s like when you ask people about their relationships. The longer the relationship, the shorter and colder the answers. How we talk about love is also a symptom of how we live it. I know love is hard to describe. However, when the first sentences that come to mind about someone I share my life with are: “We’re a good team” or “We’re both going in the same direction,” the question arises whether we’re talking about talking about a job ad or about The person you would donate a kidney to if in doubt.

It sounds a lot more like two-star Google ratings than a great sentiment. Except when we are in a new state of love. In the abundance of feelings, a whole torrent of amorous sentences often pours down on the interlocutor. It’s amazing how new love can move the most reserved minds to passionate talk. But once the mind regains the upper hand, the flattery ends.

Berlin publisher

Karin Söderquist on the Berliner Zeitung

Anyone who wants to grow love should invest verbally too

If we expect our long-term relationships to be fulfilling and happy, we must hold on to love or else it will drown out in everyday life. Then at some point you’re a good team and you work together, but you don’t know why. If it is true that we make our world with language, why should we underestimate it? Big feelings need big words.

In the linguistic debate on the topic of love, a long-term relationship in particular leads to a lackluster existence. Once we talk about it, the choice of words has as much sex appeal as a bread slicer: work, persistence, the ability to suffer — unfortunately, that often sounds like an emblem of perseverance on a boring business run. Instead, we should focus on refining our view of love over and over again by observing the most important thing with a gentle shift between wide angle and zoom: the lovable.

Especially in long-term relationships, cuteness and pop always want to be revived. Romantic feelings and wonderful moments can help with this. Who should make love wonderful if the lovers are not themselves? The prevalent fear that one might carelessly waste the entire love budget at once is off topic.

Investing your emotional wealth well and letting it grow steadily means loving. And for that you have to invest verbally. Of course, I’m aware that there are other people besides my friend who have nice hands or can cook great carbonara, but I just want those hands to make pasta for me. Only then will he turn into the best pasta in the world and turn a boring Monday evening with creamy pasta into a holiday. Because no matter how much someone means to me, just feeling it isn’t enough. Love wants to be celebrated! As is known, without them we would be poor. Like language, it is inherent to humanity and distinguishes us from animals. The only exception: Party Animals.

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