While many people need time for themselves after a breakup to sort out their feelings, others enter the next (more or less permanent) bond right away. This is called a rebound relationship in today’s dating parlance. Here you can find out why this type of partnership is a problem, how to recognize it and how to deal with it when you’re dating someone who just broke up.
What is the problem with feedback relationships?
The term “bounce” is used in basketball, among other things, and stands for a ball that bounces off the basket or board and is then caught by a player and thrown back. This is exactly what happens in a rebound relationship: the person whose partnership has just failed allows someone else to catch up and immediately enters into a new, mostly non-committal relationship. The problem is that a healthy breakup should always include addressing it in order to deal with the loss, reflect on the past months or years, and learn from any mistakes. But instead, the delinquent prefers to be distracted and cheered up by someone else, in this way using it as a form of consolation.
Of course, a partnership that begins shortly after a breakup doesn’t always have to be a rebound relationship. Sometimes you just meet the right person and fall in love without warning – and of course that can also happen shortly after a breakup. Sometimes the end of a relationship is a longer process and has already been addressed before it can officially happen. The terms also differ if a new partnership comes into force in the near future. But it also happens that newly separated people simply do not want to be alone, they are just looking for a distraction from their broken love and are not interested in a lasting relationship. If the cards in this case are not played openly, that is, the other person does not know anything about the last love, develops feelings and hopes for more, then this can be painful in the end.
More behaviors have appeared in the dating world that are far from reality. You can find some examples in the video:
When is a rebound relationship?
If you suspect that you are in a reviving relationship, then you should definitely try to look at the situation objectively and without rose-tinted glasses. You are also welcome to get the opinions of your close ones. The first warning sign of a rebound relationship is the fact that your date has not been in a long-term relationship. If you don’t know if this is true, you better ask him or her directly, this is the only way to get the truth. You can also tell from other behavioral patterns that your date has no serious intentions towards you and is only using you to fill in the gaps:
- irregular connection: Sometimes your date keeps calling you and wants to see you and then all of a sudden it doesn’t happen at all for a week – depending on how much teamwork is needed.
- superficial conversations Your conversations consist of more than small, non-committal talk and you have a feeling that you don’t really know the person you’re talking to and that you’re not making any progress.
- Lost emotional level: You rarely talk about your feelings (small talk in the key word), your history does not open to you and you cannot assess what is going on inside.
- No deeper interest: You hardly ever hear any questions about yourself or your everyday life, and he indicates to you very clearly that it doesn’t matter what you do and feel and who you actually are.
- Missing support: If your mate is going through a rough time, you’re there right away – but if you’re having a bad day, you usually can’t count on the same support.
- private meetings: When you meet each other, you usually make a date at home and sleep together often or even every time. He never suggests dating in public and rejects your suggestions.
- No integration into the circle of friends: You haven’t met any of your date’s friends through your private meetings and you’re not interested in your loved ones either.
- No joint plans: Your appointments usually take place spontaneously and your peer reacts dismissively with excuses for suggestions and activities that lie ahead.
- Missing liability: Your date is still looking for new acquaintances and tells you that you are not in a permanent partnership.
- There is no clear definition of relationship status: If you talk about your relationship and ask what exactly it is between the two of you, he will stop you and try to change the subject.
What is the duration of a regression relationship?
It is not generally possible to say how long the rebound relationship will last. This can lead to a strong partnership that will last for many years – but it can also be just a distraction, swapped out at the next opportunity and only lasting a few weeks. It all depends on how your date feels about you emotionally, which you can only find out with the help of a conversation. Therefore, in regressive relationships, just as in any other human contact, the following motto applies: Communication is the key.
Should you end a rebound relationship?
Before you make wild theories and assumptions, you should have a conversation with your partner and ask him how he feels right now and how he feels about you. Perhaps you will discover that there is actually no interest in a lasting relationship with you; But there may also be feelings for sure, but your counterpart is still attached to the last partnership and (for now) can’t give you the love you deserve. Depending on what applies in the end, you need to decide together how to proceed with you. If your date categorically rejects the relationship with you, there is no point in continuing to fight for your counterpart’s attention. Maybe he or she just needs time to process the breakup and you can either go down that path together or look at the situation again after a short distance.
The most important thing is to be true to yourself, think about your well-being and listen to your gut feeling. If the situation makes you unhappy, you should check your history and look forward – even if it isn’t easy for you. An unbalanced relationship that doesn’t happen at eye level has little future potential and, above all, doesn’t make you happy.
Image source: Getty Images / YakobchukOlena