– I don’t have any issues – and I’m still depressed
Our writer is not missing anything. She has a regular income, a home of her own, kids in college, and a loving husband. Despite that, you lose the meaning of life.
Mama Blog Editors
Our mom and dad bloggers are on summer vacation. That’s why we publish articles this week that have a lot to talk about. This anonymous post first appeared on December 9, 2021.
I don’t have any problems. I’m sitting in my heated house in rich Switzerland, with a full fridge in the kitchen. My kids are in education, my husband and I have a fairly regular income and we love each other. Yet I am… depressed? sad? lowest? I can’t find the right word for that.
His name is Adam Grant Speaking at TED last year, “fade away”. Literally translated “weakened”, but not in the sense of teenage love, but complacency for the meaning of life. for fun. After the doomsday mood lower.
Why do I feel this way? A lot of work? Not enough work since the epidemic? (I am among those directly affected). Is it the same epidemic? In the end, am I afraid of getting infected despite my vaccination? Is it the so often discussed “divide in society” that makes it hard for me to get out of bed in the morning and also makes me want to do everything during the day? I really don’t know that.
I’m not excited, I don’t feel like doing anything
In the end, is this the unspeakable word: exhaustion? I read a lot about burnout, we already have this diagnosis in the family. A few years ago, my doctor diagnosed that I had to be careful, I was eliminating fatigue. But at that time I had reasons to be “depressed” and work beyond my power. There were actual problems. but today? I don’t have any problems. it is not real.
When I read newspapers, I see people with real problems. Patients in intensive care units. Homeless people at the borders in the cities of Europe. Children who no longer have parents. Parents who lost their children. Victims of violence, victims of our capitalist system, victims of climate change.
but me? I am healthy (physically), have a very beautiful roof over my head, my parents and children are doing well, I have never experienced violence, my company has survived the pandemic and I am concerned about climate change, but it affects my daily life visibly unrestricted. I don’t have any problems.
Nothing makes me happy except for my little family. These are the only people I can handle right now.
However I feel bad. Every time. I’m not excited, I don’t feel like doing anything. I keep canceling my appointments, I even forget some appointments I never scheduled. Meeting people is like running a challenge, because I actually prefer being at home. Work is not fun either, which is a completely unknown feeling to me. Tick: Meetings, phone calls, meetings with friends and family. The big to-do list in my life, which must be tackled as unscathed as possible.
Nothing makes me happy except for my little family. These are the only people I can handle right now. Because I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to talk, I don’t have to listen, I’m not supposed to be in a good mood because I’m usually pretty funny. I can only be and I don’t have to pretend in front of anyone. (Although I am in bad conscience that they have to put up with me in this case.)
Why are psychiatric drugs shameful?
This is the hardest thing ever. This is the picture that others have of me. A strong, cheerful (company) woman, tamed by hand and always in a good mood. I experience that other people’s expectations have absolutely nothing to do with my image of myself. Because I know for myself that sometimes I have a very dark side, anything but a funny side, which I also (mostly secretly) like to unleash. But who else knows? Or in other words: who cares?
When I was prescribed antidepressants a year ago, I wanted to be honest about it. Because the soul can get sick just as easily as the body, and I didn’t really understand why one should be ashamed of it. Why am I ashamed of that? If someone has high blood pressure, they take medication. If someone has cancer, there is chemotherapy. Without wanting to play against the other, why are psychiatric medications more shameful than other treatments?
I still don’t have an answer, but then I realized it’s better not to talk about it. If you don’t have any experience with it yourself, you will quickly avoid the topic. There is still a stigma surrounding mental health that persists even in the closest circle of friends, and I blame no one. I also used to think something like “Oh, that must be bad if she’s on antidepressants”. Especially if this person does not have any problems on the surface. Like me. Because I have no problems. However, these medications have helped me overcome these “non-problems”. long time.
And is this often neglected prosperity? Are we very well?
and now? Why did you write all this? Because I know there are people who also say: “Why do I feel bad, I don’t have any problems!” And is this often neglected prosperity? Are we very well? I don’t know. I still hope I don’t have “real” problems. But also that this feeling will eventually go away.
I’ve been back on medication just because it makes me feel like myself again. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll have to swallow it for the rest of my life. Because what makes me so? Someone has problems, right?
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