4 signs that you are unconsciously sabotaging your love life
When you always fall in love with the wrong guys, never fall in love, or frequently end relationships after short periods of time, it’s time to take a look in the mirror. No one likes to hear that, of course – but you usually have to deal with it on your own if your love life doesn’t work out permanently.
It can happen without knowing that we are sabotaging our (potential) relationships. We usually don’t notice it. There are often psychological reasons behind this, which can be quite hidden, such as low self-esteem or fear of commitment. We’ll tell you the signs that you might be sabotaging your love life on your own.
1. Unrealistic allegations
You are so awkward when dating – everything should be perfect! You have a very clear idea of what you want and what your dating candidate needs. Of course, it is necessary to think about what is important to you in your partner. And you must also have certain requirements. There are some things you don’t want to compromise. Totally legit!
But if you arrive at the date with a checklist, put the size and appearance above the letter and sort each date, no matter how beautiful, based on trifles, you must be wondering what you’re really looking for. Are you possibly sabotaging yourself because, deep down, you’re afraid of commitment? Do you just fall in love with unreachable people so that the pain and fear of losing the relationship doesn’t become really real and leave you vulnerable?
2. Always see the negative
Are you alert to potential red flags even on the first date? Of course, you should slam your eye when you meet a stranger. Even in existing relationships, harmful behavior patterns simply cannot be accepted, but must be addressed and changed.
However, if you focus primarily on the negative aspects of your partner or if the date sitting across from you is telling you so intensely that you can’t even imagine this person as a romantic partner, this can become a problem. Notice this behavior in yourself, stop for a moment and ask yourself what flaws this other person actually has – and what quirks they bring with you.
3. Do not leave the past
Everyone has their own luggage to carry. Some are heavy and some are lighter. But the older we get, the more history we bring with us. This is completely normal and tempts us to grow in character, to evolve more and become stronger. For some people, a new emotional life doesn’t work out at all – because they are still emotionally stuck in the past. If you can’t let go of old pain, if you can’t separate old experiences from new ones, you are not yet ready for a new relationship. Listen to what your soul is telling you and act on it first.
4. Always got the wrong guy
Some people are more fortunate in love than others. Personality traits like extraversion also play a role in how easily and quickly we get to know someone who is a good fit for us. But if you take a closer look and analyze it from a psychological point of view, you will quickly realize that more often than not it is about ourselves when we keep encountering the same kind of people with whom it just doesn’t work out. There is often something behind this that you should pay attention to: fear of commitment, unmet needs, and low self-esteem. Take an honest look inside yourself – perhaps a therapist can help you think.
Why am I sabotaging my relationship with myself?
A common question about self-sabotage is: Why would I sabotage a relationship when I really wanted to? Those who spoil their current relationship or potential partnership often do so out of self-protection. Whether you are internally afraid of a serious future, have been hurt in the past, or have not grown up in positive relationships as prime examples, those who resist the relationship internally usually subconsciously want to protect themselves. It is a natural and important instinct. However, it can also cause distress if you don’t make a happy, long-term relationship because of it. First of all, monitor your behavior critically and be aware when you are sabotaging. Then you can think more deeply about the cause and work on it.