Infatuation and love: long partnership, long love: is it possible?

One would think that love is lost these days. Because along with the freedom to be able to change partners frequently, it’s becoming increasingly difficult in relationships to age with so-called “true love.” Singles often look for a partner to find lifelong love. Is there true love that lasts forever? The majority of Germans answered this question with a “yes”.

According to a representative survey by GfK Marktforschung commissioned by “Apotheken Umschau”, more than two-thirds of Germans – 65.7% to be exact – believe in “the only love that lasts a lifetime”. The reason for this optimistic result appears to be positive experiences with long-term relationships among respondents’ acquaintances. But what is love? How is it different from falling in love? How do couples in long-term relationships keep their love alive? You can find answers and more about this here.

How did the romantic love relationship originate?

Even in ancient times, the idea of ​​a love relationship fascinated poets and philosophers and was discussed in literature and art. However, the meaning of the term “love” has changed over the centuries. Until the Middle Ages, the concept of a love relationship often existed only outside of marriage. Since marriage was seen as a financial community of protection and purpose and primarily serving to produce children, romantic relationships could only live in obscurity. The idea of ​​”love marriage” did not appear until after 1780 in the Romantic era, when love, partnership, sex and marriage can all be compatible with each other.

Nowadays, love is understood as the strongest feeling of passion that can exist between two people, which is preceded by infatuation as the initial stage.

What is infatuation

Whether you meet your partner online or through a dating site, people in love often describe how they feel in love with the following sentences: “You are in cloud nine,” “Your heart races when you think of the other person,” “You want to be with you all the time.” to be crushed.” Psychologically speaking, infatuation defines a craving for another person. In the beginning, the appearance of the other person plays a central role, because it either attracts or repels you.

Berlin psychologist Jürgen Voigt describes the feeling of love as: “Falling in love” describes the wonderful feeling that overwhelms us, paired with butterflies in the stomach, the joy of life, and the high and lively spirits. One is too close to feeling “happy” and wears “pink glasses” which, at least in the imagination, make everything possible, make us infinitely confident, sometimes make us feel unconditional — and let us forget everything bad. “

How does infatuation come about? According to Voigt, the first visual impression follows a “scan” of matches. The motives behind this are the needs that a person needs and expects from a potential partner. This could be, for example, sexuality, emotional understanding, safety, financial security or self-esteem. This process usually occurs unconsciously, and thus is often referred to as ‘chemistry’. The more a person believes that their potential partner will fulfill their wants and needs, the more likely they are to fall in love.

When does infatuation become love?

According to the Federal Statistical Office, over a third of marriages in Germany will end in divorce within the next 25 years. However, the majority of Germans believe in love. Is love more than just a feeling of connection between two people? When can one talk about love?

According to Berlin psychologist Miriam Jung, there are many similarities between infatuation and love, such as the strong affection for each other and the mutual joy of being together. It describes feeling loved more calmly than feeling loved. While those in love are constantly agitated and “drunk” and thus under a high level of stress, which is often also characterized by physical sensations such as palpitations, tingling and constant agitation, these aspects are less severe with “lovers” “. on me.

“For many people, falling in love is an initial stage that either turns into love or realizes that you don’t have enough in common,” the psychologist explains. The body undergoes a transformation in which hormones play a crucial role. “The state of falling in love and the great interaction of hormones in the body—continuously ‘activated’—will be very stressful for the body in the long run. Therefore, the body associates a feeling of bonding and closeness with the partner, which leads to the potential for commitment and long-term love that goes along with it.” boy says.

Thus the deep relationship and the feeling of bonding between the spouses – love – gradually develops.

Daily life does not always have to be negative for love, on the contrary: it strengthens it and provides confidence.
© dpa / Fredrik von Erichsen

Does everyday life destroy love in a partnership?

Many people think that everyday life is a difficult test of love. You care about the job and the kids and you don’t give your partner the attention you gave him at the beginning of the relationship when you were in love. You often hear from people in long-term partnerships that romance fades over time because you no longer care about your partner. The partner’s quirks also gradually come to the fore. All this can leave a negative imprint on love.

But everyday life can also be positive for a relationship. According to psychologist Junge, everyday life enhances partnership and therefore love. “In a long-term relationship, both people trust each other and may pass that trust on to their children. The relationship thrives on knowing the other’s ‘quirks’. It is not necessary to question what a partner needs and wants. You trust each other blindly. Weekend shopping at the supermarket Or, feeling able to present yourself in jogging pants in front of your partner symbolizes a strong sign of confidence., she explained. So couples shouldn’t be afraid that everyday life will erode love just because they see themselves differently over time.

Is there a recipe for long-term love?

How can you keep your love fresh despite the stresses of daily life? Psychologists agree that it is hard work, but it is possible. One must always show affection. Signs of affection can be small gestures, such as a bouquet of flowers or a nice dinner at your partner’s favorite restaurant. It’s also important not to let go of the stress or bad mood you feel about your partner. Shared hobbies add momentum to a relationship because you both share positive experiences with each other.

But what if the couple had different interests? Psychologist Voigt has an answer: One should not try to resolve contradictions within a relationship. “What people can live with each other, they must also live and share with each other. What you cannot live and share with each other, you must do with others, for example with friends. It makes no sense to agree on a joint movie when everyone wants Watching a different movie. If you want to make a ‘compromise’, it’s like taking turns choosing a movie.”Voigt explains.

The psychologist gives couples (married couples) another valuable advice: “Anyone who has a life of their own that satisfies them, which provides them with gratification and creates satisfaction, and who experiences love or a relationship like ‘icing on the cake’, ‘icing on the cake’, will be able to keep love and keep it alive for a long time. Anyone who sees the relationship as A necessary survival mechanism to find meaning in life is more likely to end up with dependency than love.or always looking for new love.

There is no universal recipe for love. You must grow your partnership and solve small or big obstacles together. Then love can last for a long time.

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