4 phrases that destroy our children’s self-esteem

We know Nicole Jagger as a popular author, comedian, and podcaster. Despite her success and public recognition, she repeatedly stumbled into unhealthy and violent relationships – also because she lacked self-esteem. For familie.de, she summarized what parents can do to support their children (especially girls) in developing healthy self-confidence.

I do not have a child. Why do I think I can still give some valuable advice to parents? Because I know what it’s like to be a parent number Healthy self-esteem along the way and also what the consequences could be.

My lack of self-worth almost broke my neck. In the true sense of the word.

Nicole Jaeger

As I sit on the couch with my dad today and reminisce about family from that time, we are very good at talking about all the beautiful things, the togetherness and the feeling that only being at home can excite him. You are. The one who always looks like you’re forever sixteen and just walked in the door. On a Sunday when life always happened in the kitchen and it always smelled a little like cinnamon, a little like dust and a little like rain.

“She became a thing,” my dad always says when we stand talking in the living room between my dad’s apartment and mine, and my mom always stresses, “but it wasn’t always easy for her either.” Both are correct. I have become a thing. I’m a bestselling author, stand-up comedian, and podcaster player, and I’m regularly on stage or in front of the cameras. I am an older sister, daughter, best friend, companion, and artist. So maybe dad is right about that.

I am grateful for their effort and courage to ever have children and always trying to love me, even if it didn’t always work out.

Nicole Jaeger

“Basically, you weren’t lacking in anything,” is the unanimous opinion of many parents of my generation, which means we have always had food, always a warm blanket, always a roof over our heads, and always a place where we can be allowed to feel safer or less. Good. Everything is really beautiful and just as much as I love my parents, I am grateful for their effort and courage in ever having children and always trying to love me, even if it didn’t always work out.

I have become a thing. surely. I became all I am today. That and the woman who struggled her whole life with a sense of self-worth that I was so easily denied. I just wrote a book about it. In fact, I have written a book about my experiences with domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and the relationship between exposure to violence and self-esteem.

Unbreakable: How my lack of self-worth became a problem and how I got out of it

The price may be higher now. Price from 09/13/2022 01:58

Don’t get me wrong, it turns out to be a good book, without any self-adulation. warm. Very personal. emotionally. full of love. I really liked it. But if I didn’t have to write it and could write something about raising wombat children instead, simply because my self-esteem didn’t guide me into such a relationship, that would have been fine too. My lack of self-worth almost broke my neck. In the true sense of the word.

I became all I am today. This is a woman who has struggled for self-esteem all her life.

Nicole Jaeger

Now that it’s over, the relationship is over, and I’m in control of myself and my life for the most part, he often asks me where the origins of low self-esteem come from, or where to start working he-she. The answer is always the same: It begins in childhood. This does not mean that parents are responsible. Self-worth is not about guilt. It is about support.

4 No no when raising self-confidence

If we want a strong, self-loving adult who is able to know their own worth, we have to raise our children to be able to love themselves.

#1 Don’t punish love with withdrawal.

We can all agree that physical violence is taboo. But psychological violence is no better, and that includes withdrawing from love. Even if not everyone is aware of it. Studies show that psychological violence is in no way inferior to physical violence and has far-reaching consequences. Punishing a child for misbehavior by learning, “If I make mistakes, they won’t love me anymore,” turns an insecure child into an insecure adult who knows it’s okay to deal with deprivation, punishes love when it doesn’t work the way others want it to.

#2 Don’t refuse to communicate with the child.

Eye level communication is a form of respect and a child deserves. Even when you are angry, frustrated, angry or sad. Refusal to communicate often makes children silent and helpless.

Silence is not a punishment. Silence is lonely, and even if we sometimes find it difficult to talk about our feelings ourselves, it helps show that having feelings, sharing them and listening is always important. The child is allowed to talk and be observed, even if he makes mistakes. But also parents.

#3 Don’t be an adult you don’t want your kids to be.

Children mostly learn from their parents. So set an example of how you treat each other with respect in a relationship. Show your sons how to treat women and your girls that they have a voice and can say no. Be the men and women you want as partners for your children, after all, your parents are every child’s first great love.

Loving your children also means raising them to be people who can appreciate themselves. Until one day they grow into adults who can love themselves as much as you love them.

#4 Don’t raise your girls to hate themselves.

This point applies above all to fathers of daughters, but also to sons. It sounds trivial and obvious, but it is by no means the case. Girls are brought up to be beautiful, conservative, and adaptable. They learn that their appearance is more important than their personality and that they must be beautiful first. A woman’s job is not to be beautiful to others, and a girl’s job is not to be obedient and to be silent. Give your children their own voice. Your own will and space to be yourself.

In fact, everything I wrote here is self-explanatory, right? So I sincerely hope that this is the most repeated text in the world because none of you need it anymore. There is nothing I wish more.

Nicole Jaeger

Nicole Jaeger Archive

And now back to the chelsea…

In fact, everything I wrote here is self-explanatory, right? So I sincerely hope that this is the most repeated text in the world because none of you need it anymore. There is nothing I wish more.

However, we must not ignore one thing: one in four women will experience domestic violence at least once in her life. This means that each of us knows at least one affected woman, often without our knowledge. Good self-esteem cannot prevent this circumstance, because in the end the perpetrators and never the victims are to blame. But from experience I can say that good, enhanced self-esteem may not save the whole world, but it may save the world for your child and help you break free from toxic partnerships quickly and in good health as an adult.

Nicole Jagger’s new book: Indestructible

In Unbreakable: How My Lack of Self-Esteem Became a Problem and How I Got Out of It, Nicole tells about her experiences, the bad points of a dangerous relationship, psychological terror, and nagging self-doubt. A brave and heartwarming book about hope and finding true love – for yourself. Delicately describing what her life looked like between television appearances, death threats, applause, and feeling inadequate — and how important strong self-esteem is to extricate yourself from unhealthy relationships.

Unbreakable: How my lack of self-worth became a problem and how I got out of it
Unbreakable: How my lack of self-worth became a problem and how I got out of it

The price may be higher now. Price from 09/13/2022 01:58

These books were also published by Nicole:

Not quite perfect: the naked truth about being a woman
Not quite perfect: the naked truth about being a woman

The price may be higher now. Price from 09/13/2022 13:09

The fat solvent: the anatomy of weight loss
The fat solvent: the anatomy of weight loss

The price may be higher now. Price from 09/12/2022 23:32

Our advice to you in the video: Strong women in film

How does your relationship with your mother shape you?

Image source: Nicole Jagger archive

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