As a young mother, Daniela Hussell wished her current self could be by her side. Because, of course, she was confused about the difficult situations with her four children. As a children and youth coach, method teacher, mediator, and elementary school social worker, the 55-year-old now knows many ways to support families. Six months ago she started her own business with “Coacherei” in Herrsching. Her phone hasn’t stopped ringing since classes started the past few weeks.
SZ: What fears and problems do parents turn to?
Daniela Haussell: There is great helplessness and insecurity. Children worry that they will not be able to do what is expected of them. They wonder how they will do it, whether and how they will make friends. New impressions are often overwhelming and children are overwhelmed by the situation.
But apparently not only children, but also parents.
Parents notice when their children suffer. And they will not progress in sympathy and understanding.
What do you think: Has the pressure on children increased – or are families less able to handle it?
It is simply the fact that so much is happening in our society right now, we are all under some kind of constant stress. Even children have a feeling that they shouldn’t miss a thing. And all of that must be addressed. I would say positively that parents are now taking a closer look.
Are parents really out of advice or is the coach simply okay with outsourcing common problems?
I don’t consider it an outsourcing, but rather: support is needed here, which I can’t provide at the moment. Sometimes parents just don’t get anywhere, we all know that. In addition, as part of the family system, the father and mother sometimes do not take on the role of handling and resolving matters. Because it’s not just part of the solution, but it’s also part of the problem.
To be very specific: What do you hear from the children and youth in your training room?
“I’m tired of my homework.” “I can not sleep.” “It’s very stressful.” or “My classmates annoy me.” After the pandemic years, the elderly are concerned that they have lost a lot of material. They don’t know how to do everything. Deeper beliefs often emerge, such as: I’m not good enough.
Are we asking too much of our children?
It needs a specific challenge. But we usually don’t even realize that the pressure is on children. We don’t talk about what we’re doing and what’s bothering us. For example, comments that are expressed unconsciously by children and young adults, for example about their appearance or performance in school, can be demonstrated. And this remains in people’s minds at the moment, because with whom should children and young people talk about?
What is your advice to families to prevent this?
It is important to instill in the family a culture in which everyone is allowed to say what they do not like. To ask how everyone works in this teamwork. The key is to convey that errors are allowed – after all, this word also contains the word helper. Children should not feel compelled to compare themselves to others. Sometimes a five minute review of the day is enough to soberly appreciate the beautiful moments of the day. I also recommend parents to try their reactions. When you are angry or angry, consciously meeting the child in a different way can be very beneficial.
How different are the problems of children and young people?
Stress increases as children get older. Our system is like this, you have to work. If you’re in love and can’t study one day, no one cares. However, it is not always possible to deliver immediately. The younger ones struggle with their homework, while the older ones experience increased stress.
Has the Corona pandemic exacerbated the situation?
I think the problems were there before, the pandemic just made them clear. Above all, the pandemic has shown how important the school is as a living space for children and young people – not just as an educational space.
What methods do you use to provide assistance?
One area in the elderly is mind control. Thoughts don’t just happen to us, we can learn to direct them with mental methods. Beliefs can be changed in this way. Give the younger ones certain breathing techniques, body positions, or other tools with which they can act effectively in certain situations. Strength mode or Superman mode helps some, while calming others by stimulating acupuncture points in stressful situations. This is how children get out of the vicious circle into the circle of angels on their own.
How much time would it take?
Kids notice very quickly what works. After three to five sessions on average, the right tools have been found.
But let’s be honest: why can’t kids be kids and now they have to be trained too?
It’s the other way around: We get these valuable tips and ideas for our jobs, our sports, and our dog if we don’t get any further — why withhold them from the kids. It’s not about getting better and better, it’s about reaching your current potential.
You are not a doctor or therapist. Where does your area of responsibility end?
All children with a diagnosed mental illness should be treated. I can help bridge the gap or provide support in consultation with therapists, but mainly I work with healthy children. Either because something went wrong – or as a precaution to have methods ready in case problems arise.
What behaviors should their children raise alarm bells for parents?
When you realize that you are no longer in contact with the baby or the baby is withdrawing like crazy. But it also makes sense to get help if kids are frightened, have stomach ache in the morning, or can’t sleep in the evening and parents can’t get any more despite their options. Especially with regard to early childhood reactions that may not yet be treated. Can be combined with a specific body workout. Children never intentionally cause problems, they simply have no other choice at the moment and act like adults according to their knowledge and capabilities.
What is your most important advice for children and young adults?
Believe in yourself, you are right as you are!
And for the parents?
Be proud of your child!